When we found out that we were expecting twins, my husband, Todd, was concerned. “You can’t even carry ONE baby full term,” my husband said. “How can you do TWO?”
It was true. With my first two children, I would get about two months away from their due date, suddenly go into labor, and they would be born. (Abigail, about fifteen minutes after I got to the hospital.)
I determined to do everything to go as close to full term as possible. I packed up and moved myself and my two preschoolers two hours away to my in-laws in Wichita. Todd would visit us on the weekends.
But even trying to be as careful as I could, going in for weekly shots, and doing everything they said, I still developed problems. This time it was twelve weeks early (the time the doctor had actually already projected to being my high-risk time with twins). We left church on Mother’s Day (where we were supposed to sing the special that morning) and raced to the hospital. After she started an IV, the nurse brought in the magnesium sulfate to try to stop my labor. “This,” she said cheerfully, “we call ‘flu in a bag.'”
Within a few minutes, I noticed why. Even after the effects of what felt like a bad case of the flu wore off, I realized that they had no intention of releasing me until the babies were born. They told me that my level of pain was my new baseline. I would just continue to be uncomfortable and on hospital bedrest for days or weeks, whatever it was. The possibility of what felt like unending labor, stressed my mind.
They transferred me to another floor. I was exhausted from lack of rest, and my nerves were shot. Some woman down the hall was yelling and moaning every few minutes. Within a few days, I felt like I was to the snapping point. Todd left to go to the store, and I opened my Bible. It did not matter if I had been feeling disconnected to God, my emotions all over the place, and my hormones out of whack, God came into my room! He made several Psalms so real to me. I cried as I felt Him comforting me. That day, He gave me promises for my children that I cling to even now, thirteen years later! One of these Psalms that He gave me was: “He giveth His beloved sleep, Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord.” He had a plan for my children spiritually. They could be my heritage. Don’t you think I haven’t quoted the words from Psalm 127 again and again to God down through the years when the battle raged?
One of the best parts that day was when God gently and tenderly showed me the word “beloved.” I was His beloved! He knew I needed rest, and He was going to meet my needs. I was overwhelmed with the thought. I’m His beloved? Me who has made so many mistakes and blunders? I can’t think of anyone I’d rather belong to…anyone I’d rather call me “beloved” than Jesus.
My pastor loves to say that our valleys are mountaintops upside down. He says that he’s noticed that many times the moments that people mention where God spoke to them and did something special for them is usually in one of the hard moments in their life. He said that God has taken their valleys and flipped them around to make mountaintops. I’ve found that is true. When my emotions felt raw and my nerves were shot, that is when God whispered the words that I am still clinging to.
Oh what wonder! How amazing!
Jesus, glorious King of kings,
Deigns to call me His beloved,
Lets me rest beneath His wings.
All for Jesus! All for Jesus!
Resting now beneath His wings.
All for Jesus! All for Jesus!
Resting now beneath His wings.
-Mary D. James
Image by <a href=”https://pixabay.com/users/vinsky2002-1151065/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=4050412″>Vinson Tan ( 楊 祖 武 )</a> from <a href=”https://pixabay.com/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=4050412″>Pixabay</a>
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